nut hugger
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
