So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
