I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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