You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
