Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
