I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
