He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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