And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
