dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
