I faked an abortion last night.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
