A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
