A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Found your dick twin last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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