Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
