Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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