You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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