Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize