i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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