I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
