"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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