totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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