Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
