My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
