just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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