I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
why does every cop we meet know your name?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
