the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
