He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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