I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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