did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
