Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
