hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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