guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I understand Curling. That high.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize