you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
