Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
