she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
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Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
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AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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