If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
