Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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