It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
