when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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