Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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