we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
