ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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