There is no way he is gay with that hair.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
