I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize