i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize