OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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