If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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