I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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