You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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