Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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