Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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