made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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