her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize