Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
