they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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