so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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