my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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