You made me cry and you don't even care
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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