Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
