so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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