just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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