I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
