so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
