We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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