i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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