My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
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