so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize