Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
