If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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