If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
