I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
