Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
