drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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