i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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