I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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