Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
