if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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